A Little Bit of Sum'n

It's amazing how much one's mindset can change in a little over a year about certain aspects such as cleanliness, happiness, what is edible and what is not, and most significantly (yet broadly stated): life. You can hold you're laughter back about the life part, this is not one of those posts that try to get too deep and philosophical that it ends up being cliché and crosses over to the sappy side. I am simply saying that when so many key aspects of one's physical environment is changed, it tends to affects the ways that one thinks and in turn can change one's motivations and goals. I won't get into why my views on cleanliness have been altered to spare the reader (which may be my mom) of judgment of me and my showering and bathroom habits. However, getting at what I now find edible is something I barely find worthy of writing about, although maybe myself a year and a half ago would disagree. Now the only thing that I am challenged by is how to allow myself to eat more bone (I am now able to consume the cartilage!). I now almost enjoy mondongo (intestines of cow and pig) and prefer rellenos (pig intestine filled with blood, Yuca Leaf, and Yerba Buena), Cuey (Guinea Pig), and other dishes that are probably interesting to hear about but now can't even quite think of since it's a part of my daily diet.

Happiness however, is still something that confuses me here. I am caught between my views in the States of being happy and how people are seemingly happy here. I see people in poverty, people with lots of responsibility, people that have nothing to do, and people that have no life term goals or opportunities, simply content with how things are going- enjoying fiestas, dancing, smiling, conversing. This confuses me. Up to now, this confused me more internally and unconsciously, but now I think I have been able to articulate it to myself. I arrived here subconsciously thinking "why are people wasting so much time in remedial tasks rather than trying to advance and provide themselves with opportunities and ease for their futures and their kids' future?" Now I understand a little more after being here for a while. I think it's a mix between not having trust or confidence that they are capable or worthy of it, becoming so entangled with daily chores and daily life that the big picture cannot be seen, and that advancement (or, my previous perception of advancement) isn't necessarily their goal. Seeing this, along with reading some books such as Three Cups of Tea and Irresistible Revolution, has helped me to understand that what I -slash my culture - view as important in life isn't necessarily what others view as important in life or what IS actually important in life. I have seen through my time here, that yeah, people want better stoves, latrines, and infrastructure to better their lives physically, but really, I think everyone (as individuals) just want people to care, to listen. I feel that people have appreciated more from me simply visiting them on a continual basis than what I can provide them (although they appreciate handouts too). In all sincerity and for risk of being cliché, I have found the most valuable thing that I can give people is my time.

Peace Corps is a huge choice, and it is for the reason that I was initially afraid of. A problem doesn't affect you if you are unaware of it, but once it comes into view, a new responsibility is then placed at your feet to accept or not...