Contemplation of Liberation- Piura Vida: Discomfort

As I step on the small alvocado green 15-seater bus, my mind is immediately taken back to my other life by the aromas of exhaust and mildew. My other life where I am tough and accustomed to discomfort and simple conversation. My other life, that is more difficult in many ways, but the simplicity keeps me complacent. I find myself at ease heading back to site after a good 12 days of vacation; the best vacation I have ever had up to this time. I begin to ready my body for the less pleasurable ride ahead along with the rains, mud, and darkness that are in front of me as I adjust my backpack between my legs and sink into the overused seat cushions beneath me. To prepare my mind is a slower process and endures the change throughout the journey beginning with the smells as the air thickens with hints of sweat as people fill the bus.

I become astonished at my resiliance to discomfort as I look at the seat across the isle from me and notice stains on the cushion, no doubt from the oral discharge of a weary passenger in the past. In seconds thereafter, I begin to feel the moisture between my back and the seat behind me from the morning heat and try to avoid considering the residual sweat particles that reside in the seat that are now mixing with mine. I think that my resiliance is a learned behavior executed by simply ignoring the discomfort and alleviated by the fact that no one else seems to be troubled. Once moving, I contribute to ignoring the discomfort of the trip by falling asleep, something at which I have always had success and in this time, it was no different.

As I awake from the jerks and accelerations, I find myself in a semi-lucid state and begin to try and put things into perspective again. I am headed back to site after a long vacation to the jungle with my friends. It feels as if I have been gone 2 months even though it has only been 12 days. My vacation was a time where I felt at ease, could easily express myself to my friends, and enjoyed the luxuries of eating what I wanted, sleeping when I wanted, and spend what I wanted. In light of this, I had continually battled with feelings of guilt. Guilt because I got to do and experience what many people in my site never could. Guilt because while I was having fun in the jungle, the people at my site were working and my projects were at a standstill. Now I was going to be back and face the questions about what I had done on my vacation and try to sugarcoat the fact that although I supposedly lived like them, I had certain benefits that they don't have. This is everypresent in my mind.

Now I am back at site and looking at how to take on from where I left off. After unpacking, cleaning, and visiting close friends, I quickly remember all the things that need to go on my to-do list. I see myself taking on too much like I did last year. I am trying to isolate a few important projects to follow through with more effectively, but we will see what actually happens.